This is not my life….

Intuition will never leave you nor forsake you. The human brain often interprets matters of the heart with too much or too little reasoning therefore our judgment is rarely balanced. I feel like most people have moments of balance, but without daily meditation and spiritual focus balance is just a quality of  equilibrium. Where are you going with this Shelly? Here’s the story…

  1. Girl meets girl
  2. Girl likes girl
  3. Girl wants to keep girl
  4. Girl agrees to stay
  5. Girl loves girl
  6. Girl loves girl back
  7. Girl realizes she is insecure and only wants girl so girl does not decide to go elsewhere
  8. Girl decides to leave girl
  9. Girl is cool with this
  10. Girl is not cool with this
  11. Girl confused
  12. Girls gone wild!

HAHAHA!! Without revealing which one of these girls I am I will just say one day I woke up and realized “THIS IS NOT MY LIFE!” At 30 years old I have grown to understand that people are temporary, the lessons you learn from them are not. Lessons learned can include the things that become more clear about yourself. In the course of this relationship I realized:

  • I am picking the same person whether it me male or female
  • I am a giver who gives all she has to who or whatever she loves even if it’s temporary
  • Age is more than a number, experiences and age should match in the mate I wish to settle with.
  • What you don’t know may not hurt but it can surely make you look stupid.
  • Choose the smart that you are
  • Gray areas don’t work for me. I am a black and white kinda gal.
  • Even if people miraculously turn into the one you always wanted as long as you know them as the person they were it will never work.

Today, I start living single again. I realize that the mate I want should (not gender specific):

  • be cool enough to trust me and themselves.
  • get to know the me that I am and not the me that they want.
  • unapologetically make their own decisions in the face of unreasonable family side-eyes.
  • not smoke cigarettes
  • be able to know when to be silly and know when to be serious.
  • hold me up when I’m off balance.

I sure I am leaving out something, but that’s a great start. Now that the universe has shown me me, I can begin to imagine newer more creative journeys within.


2 thoughts on “This is not my life….

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    1. I don’t believe love is tangible at all. This is why we keep chasing it. I think love is like an orgasm. We keep working at it, get it, it lasts for seconds, then we spend life trying to get it again….and we do. Over and over and over and over again. Sometimes it’s a good one. Sometimes it’s a bad one. Sometimes it so good we just want to do it more and more. However, it is a truly a process that takes tender touch to be successful at obtaining for longer than a few seconds. I should do a whole blog post on that alone. I am typing off the top of my head and now I like it. lol!

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