Homo After Sex

If we replace the word “sex” with the word “gender” in the phrase “same sex” maybe the world could get over thinking of “sex as gender” and “sex as an act” as the SAME thing. Our society is so oversexed that even typing the word sex as many times as I have thus far feels nasty. When talking about relationships whether homo or hetero our dialogue is often incomplete. I feel that women spend more time profiling a man for the future than seeing him in a moment. The first few dates are equivalent to a sandbox where his end looks as fun as hers but is filled quicksand. The woman sits as a giddy kid with a new playmate figuring out whether or not she should throw him a life line of some sort. The men feel themselves sinking while hoping they’re swimming. At the same time the men want sex as a validation that they are not sinking. However, society presses a woman to have sex as long as it’s not too soon or too late. Too soon would make her a “whore” and too late would cause her to miss out on an opportunity to have sex with a “good man” in order to evaluate him as a “good husband.”


Well, it’s the same in “same sex” relationships.  Except with lesbians it’s two women sinking in quicksand on both sides of a sandbox and I imagine with gay men they both think they’re swimming while sex is just a part of the process. If people could get past the idea that two men or two women are only together to have sex then homosexuality would be just as any other relationship. People have said so many things about homosexual relationships and they are all related to having sexual intercourse. I’ve heard the argument that God meant for women to procreate and you can’t do that with same sex relationships. Who knows what God meant? The only book we have to figure it out was written by all men and we can’t possibly believe that God stop inspiring people to write centuries ago. Not only that the only people he inspired was men? Really? That’s a whole other story. The point is “sex” as in gender is not the same as “sex” as in sexual intercourse. If you’re homosexual you probably had these feelings before having sex and after having sex. Yet either way you still have to actually get to know a person another person regardless of gender in order for a relationship to work.

Could I marry a woman?

I said all of the above about sex and gender to say that in the course of getting to know a potential mate I begin to see patterns in the women just as I did in the men. I have to step back and ask myself who am I choosing and why. I believe that the potential mates you choose are a reflection of where you are in life. The one who succeeds as the actual mate should be one you see going into a new life with. Now after being homo and hetero in my lifetime I realize that after sex we still have to relate. It’s not that I didn’t know this before. I just think that I too was guilty of making homosexuality all about the “sexual preference” as in “sexual intercourse preference.” This is an ignorant thought. At the moment I can’t see myself marrying a woman because I haven’t found a woman that makes me feel the security I would want in a “forever mate” situation. This could change. Honestly, I don’t know if I see myself getting married to anyone of any gender. I will always like women and I will always like men. Until there’s individuals who can understand this about me I will be single. I like relating to men and women alike not just that I like having sexual intercourse with men and women.


Call to action…

1. STOP grossing yourself out over homosexual relationships because you view sex between the same sex as inappropriate or nasty. “Sexual preference” should refer to gender not sexual intercourse.

2. START considering that two people can get to know and love each other regardless of gender. You have friends right?

3. LIVE your life as you truly please, but realize it’s your life not mine, hers, or his. LIVE yours. Be slow to judge books by spines, at least look at the entire cover.

4. RESPECT your own choices by allowing someone else to have choice. Know the difference between your choice and the choice you want for all men or all women.

5. DON’T think that every lesbian or gay male likes you just because you think you’re sexy. Just because you are desired by the opposite sex does not mean you are desired by the same sex. Most times heteros are too big an obstacle to convert to homos therefore, no one would really care to take on that challenge.

Your perception is real to you. Ignorance disbands positive reality. Open your mind or stay closed minded. If closed minded people would stay closed mouthed everyone would be much happier.

Thank you for reading!

Pura Vida,
Shelly Bell


One thought on “Homo After Sex

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  1. Great post.
    I think the term homosexual is a part of the problem because a person can be queer and celebate. It doesn’t really have much to do with sex. And i suspect its the sex that wiggs people out most of the time.

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