Somewhere around 5am I come to conscious, I deny consciousness, then consciousness keeps coming back like I am hitting a snooze button on my biological clock. This happens five out of seven days a week. On any given two days of the week I probably did something the night before that makes me ignore my consciousness and sleep right through to 10am. Which is actually a big deal for me!
As I come to consciousness my brain takes an opportunity to run through every thought I suppressed over the 12 hour period prior to me waking up. There are images of what I did yesterday mixed in with the sound of what I have to do today. Sometimes poems come to mind. Literally the words will be running through my head as my eyes are opening. Sometimes ideas come to mind. Like I will actually see the idea happen behind my eye lids like a movie screen.
Either I am crazy, gifted, just like everyone else, or nothing like anyone else. I don’t believe I am anything extraordinary therefore I usually lean toward saying I’m crazy or just like everyone else. I figure that this must happen to everyone, right? Everyone’s mind runs a mile a minute whether they are sleeping or awake, right? Everyone lets their spirits guide them in spite of being misunderstood, right? Everyone sees these vivid images of possible future happenings while sleeping or waking up, right? I need some confirmation that I am not different. That the way my brain functions is not just a symptom of Narcolepsy.
Even though being “different” is what we dare our kids to be it’s not something I ever wanted to be. If you are different you have to just be slightly different so that nobody notices. You have to be the “understandable different.” Not the socially awkward different, nor the psychic different, nor the sleeping disorder different, nor the religious different, nor the geek different, nor the anything unpopular type of different. I don’t know which is more confusing trying to embrace the “different” or trying to fit into the “same.” Either way I would like to think that I am not alone. Is there anyone else out there who feels like I do? Do your thoughts overflow like God is not paying attention to how much he/she is pouring into your cup? How do you keep yourself from over-thinking?
These are not hypothetical questions. If you really have answers please comment.
Thank you for reading!