Sometimes I get ahead of myself…

When I get bored I start new stuff. So I started a new blog at theopenonionblog.com then I got tired of that so now I am canceling it! Crazy right! I just want to thank all of the fans and followers connected to me and my ADHD! At least you can say I will keep it interesting for you. The kicker is that all of this changing and sparking of new random ideas is my true life! Basically I am writing this post as a goodbye to “The Open Onion” for now. Starting today I will be focusing all blog posts at http://www.iamshellybell.com. If you are receiving this message you either have the mobile app or are following some blog of mine.

If you’re not following the “I Am Shelly Bell” blog go to http://www.iamshellybell.com and click follow! If you have a Apple or Android device and do not have the app you can download it by clicking http://www.reverbnation.com/mobile-app/85857/iamshellybell or search for I Am Shelly Bell in your app store. When I start rearranging things you can always count on me planning something exciting. The shutting down of “The Open Onion” most definitely is the opening up of a new thing that you will find out by continuing to follow iamshellybell.com.

Thank you being here!

LOVE YA LOTS,

SHELLY BELL

New Poem: Bi-Somniac

3am,

fingers glide over keyboard like tires over rumble strips

anxiety humming birds tummy muscles

a beautiful growl for peace

Everything’s OK

at least while I’m awake

 

4am,

unsure of the intimacy sleep will bring

I obsess over sexuality

straight never wins

neither does gay

Kinsey scale weighs me imperfect

 

Intimacy with the sandman only sparks unanswered dreams

I don’t want to fall asleep in a hopeless place

being bisexual feels much like being awake

Why slumber?

 

5am,

Let’s not call it insomnia

Such words corner indecisiveness as sickness

I’ll have my emotion and eat it too

wait for my needs to cool

Sip OCD with mint leaves and chai tea

 

6am,

text my California masculine fever

then kiss the forehead of femininity

I am smiling in two different time zones

her sheets call me like intuition

his “I love you’s” coddle my ego

We are paradise in a hand basket

 

7am,

the sun slays the night

sexuality blurs

life focuses in on reality.

I can’t sleep off these desire

so why slumber?

choosing would be resting my case

I’m not ready to lay my head on either pillow.

I don’t really have to decide today do I?

 

Frank Ocean and the Elephant

The lights go down, the crowd screams, the 9:30 Club, Washington, DC is again successful at packing the room with a diverse audience of live music lovers. The air is curious and comfortable, as I imagine the crowd was like prior to Maxwell’s episode of MTV Unplugged, just in a less intimate space. Arriving after 7pm is never a good idea at this venue especially when the artist is Frank Ocean and his recent “coming out” story has made him the poster child for homosexual Hip Hop artists at a time when homosexual is the hippest thing to be. My tardiness positioned me in the back right corner of the room. As I scanned the crowd I imagined that I was not the only person secretly evaluating the sexuality of the people around me. I imagined that I was not the only person in the room questioning whether the fanfare was sincere towards talent or support for his so-called brave expression of being “himself.”

Regardless of sexual preference Frank Ocean’s writing ability is undeniable. As a vocalist, however, his voice is a cross between Keith Sweat’s whine and Akon’s tone, and lacking vocal range. Opening with Sade’s “By Your Side”  it was a smooth familiar way to start the show. This was followed by “old” favorite “Thinking Bout You” which is slowly making its way into Top 40 radio rotation. As the average “hey girl come with me to the show” concert goer his choice of song position in his set was a bit boring for me. Every song sounded the same plus or minus a little bass.

The moment we had all been waiting for came suddenly, as he introduced the oft discussed tale of same-sex love,“Forrest Gump.” Saying “recently, I had to say some things so yea, this song is about that,” it was definitely questionable. I paused and thought the following:

avatar_f7b3374a1ab8_128

 

“What? Frank are you telling us that you recently told your mother you hate her cooking or that you’re gay? What does “had to say some things” even mean?

 

The crowd screamed and cheered as if he had just confessed his sexual preference on stage. This is evidence that saying you’re gay has become a huge deal. He had to say something. This elephant is too huge to ignore. I’d heard the song once before, but didn’t realize that chorus uses the word “boy” regarding who he’s singing to. Interestingly enough, the men in the room responded to the song with frozen stares and stiff posture. There was this one guy directly in front of me who was rocking and dancing so hard to every song. I imagined that he was gay even if he wasn’t. This begs the question, will men be able to express themselves as fans of Frank Ocean without being considered gay?

Also performed were “Novocane,” “Swim Good,” and “Made in America” from Jay-Z and Kanye West’s Watch the Throne album. I was waiting for him to rock the crowd with call in response while singing the chorus to “No Church in the Wild.” That didn’t happen! He ended the night abruptly by singing a portion of “I Miss You” by Beyonce while playing the keyboard.

It’s difficult to produce great showmanship when you don’t really have any songs in the mainstream. Frank Ocean’s music is the music you know because you’re in the know about Hip Hop music. I dig the use of Frank Ocean’s voice, I dig the instrumentation in his music, and I am a fan of his writing. However, for now he should focus on developing his show from a homogenous batch of songs to a more entertaining set of musical stories.

What makes you my friend?

My grandmother was the kind of person that welcomed everyone in as a family member. If you had ever been introduced to my grandma then you know that you can come back to any family function or stop in whenever you like to talk to her. My mother is welcoming when it comes to helping people, but she is the type that keeps people at arm’s length. She listens to their conversation and most times she trusts them until they slip up and say something that’s untrustworthy. Then theres me! I generally trust everyone whether stranger or not. I could consider myself too trusting, but it’s much more fun to lead my life unguarded. When you don’t trust people there’s always this thought of what harm they can cause. Since I’ve started Seven City I have met lots of people. I’ve met cool people, straight people, gay people, transsexual people, negative people, depressed people, mean people, rude people, selfish people, nice people, caring people, etc. You get the point! I’ve come into contact with lots of people. However, I have always been my cool, down-to-earth, talkative, tactless, intuitive, debating, questioning, unapologetically open self.

The part of me that people meet is usually the talkative intuitive down-to-earth side. Because of this I guess it is assumed that if we ever get into a disagreement I will handle them differently from other people. The truth is in my world right is right and wrong is wrong. If I’m wrong I want a friend to give it to me straight like “shelly that was some bullshit” then explain why. Reason being this is what I do. It has come to my attention lately that the people I have been spending the most time with are not necessarily my friends. It’s like Drake said “it’s way too many people here right now that I didn’t know last year, who the f**** are yall?” As time moves forward people show you who they really are. Everybody is cool until we disagree then my tactless debating questioning side comes into play and people get confused. As I get older I become more tactful and less apt to debate. I am pretty sure I will be talkative forever! As I get older I realize that I am real cool with myself and I am willing to lose friends for this purpose.

In reality, if we were friends at all you would know the cool down-to-earth Shelly is the same as the talkative debating tactless Shelly. You would know that I care about you no matter what you do. You would know that I give my all to those around me just because I think it’s the right thing to do. I am also realizing that sometimes I need to ask the question “What makes you my friend?” This is not the sandbox on the elementary school playground where making friends means we are in the same class and we play together. I reserve the right to my own sandbox and my own class of people I want to associate with. If you don’t like my sandbox then don’t play with me. My friends of 10 years or better are probably the most real relationships I have. These relationships are not affected by time, disagreements, and fickle misunderstandings. To be a friend is a lifelong thing. I have to be more careful about who I call a “friend.”

Pura Vida,
Shelly

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